Job description smells

Job description smells dog

I love reading Job Descriptions (JD). I know, this sounds a bit strange. Given the rapid changes in the Information Technology sector, it's a way to get a perspective on market trends especially with hiring software engineers and managers.

Along the way, I've come across more than a few questionable, funny, or downright outrageous requirements or qualifications embedded in JDs, mostly the unicorn and purple squirrel ones. To start the week off, I thought I would share with you a few JD smells. For the non-coder audience, a "code smell" is any symptom in the source code of a program that possibly indicates a deeper problem.

Let's have some fun!

"Establish an impeccable engineering culture of technology innovation and excellence, characterized as highly collaborative, execution-focused, customer-centric, and high velocity."

Smell: "Impeccable culture" seems to indicate a command and control management style. And, the only thing that would push this into the buzz word stratosphere is somehow including the word "synergistic" into that statement.

"Comfortable with ambiguity and rapid change: excited about pushing out lots of code quickly and constantly iterating."

Smell: I need a code monkey ASAP!

"Ability to communicate well with business stakeholders, resolve competing or contradictory objectives, and to unify disparate ideas into a homogenized solution."

Smell: Our politics and internal organization resemble a Rube Goldberg machine.

"Implement and encourage successful asynchronous collaboration across the BU's global R&D organization."

Smell: Asynchronous collaboration, how does that work? I have an idea, just use a Promise, and it might eventually take care of itself. More coding humor!

"Experience upgrading, converting and integrating legacy technologies with modern architectures a plus."

Smell: As a software developer, there's a lot of work here you're going to hate doing. Most of it will be working on a monolithic application long forgotten.

"Oversee translation of product direction into plans to deliver high-quality products on time and within budget."

Smell: Our backlogs are half-baked, we miss our deadlines, and we're underfunded as a department. Did I forget to tell you that it's common to get bounced out of bed at 2 am to fix something that broke??

"Foster a thriving culture which marries both quality and delivery, employee engagement and retention in a highly competitive local market."

Smell: Our culture resembles Office Space. No, wait, it is Office Space!

"Can solve even the toughest and most complex of problems; great at gleaning meaning from whatever data is available; is a quick study of the new and different; adds personal wisdom and experience to come to the best conclusion and solution, given the situation; uses multiple problem-solving tools and techniques."

Smell: There's no way you're going to be successful in this role.

What are you hiding?

While most of this is tongue and cheek, there's something valuable each of us can take away. The question is, during the interview process, how open is the organization about sharing their dirty laundry? As the candidate, you're the one that will attempt to meet the expectations and solve all the ills listed (not listed) in the JD.

When HR and hiring managers write a job description, they imagine a future state. They also write from the perspective of knowing the problems and how to fix them.

A note to the hiring manager, elicit creativity from the candidate by sharing the "why" and "what" and let them explain the "how." In the JD, write about your current set of issues and then ask your candidates to share how they would go about solving them?

Wow, I know, scary. How many companies value that type of transparency? After all, the candidate you hire will quickly figure out, did I get sold a bill of goods?

Does your company suffer with retaining employees? Maybe there's a disconnect between the before and after hired states: what they think they're getting vs. what's actually there. Think about it.

What are some of the funniest or questionable statements or claims you've seen in JDs? Please share!